Top 10 Funniest Jokes I’ve Ever Heard!

Here are the top 10 jokes that made me laugh…Some jokes are hard to get, but I bet you can get it! :

Mrs. Fields® Bites Basket

Cookies in the basket

 

10. Inside a church, there was a table…On the left side of the table, there were basket of apples and on the basket, it was written: Only get one apple, God is watching you…On the right side of the table, there was a basket filled with chocolate cookies and on the basket, it was written: Get as many as you can finish!…God is watching the apples!

 

 

 

9.  A poor actor was having trouble paying his rent. One morning his
landlady caught him in front of the building and demanded her money.

“Couldn’t you please give me a break?” begged the actor. “You know, one
day people will pass by this building, point up, and say ‘One of the
greatest actors of our generation used to live here’.”

“If you don’t pay up,” said the landlady, “they could be saying that
tomorrow.”

8. After the first day of school–

Rodrick: Dad, I don’t want to go to school anymore! My teacher isn’t smart!

Dad: Why?

Rodrick: She told me to draw a dog but she said that what I drew isn’t a dog! She’s mean!

stock photo : Three scoops of vanilla, chocolate and strawberry ice cream

Chocolate, Vanilla, and Strawberry

7. A young man entered the Ice Cream Palace. “What kinds of ice cream do
you have?” he asked the girl behind the counter.

The girl wheezed, “Vanilla… chocolate… strawberry…” She patted her
chest and seemed unable to continue.

“You got laryngitis?” the young man asked sympathetically.

“Nope,” she whispered, “Just vanilla, chocolate and strawberry.”

 

 

 

 

6. A woman pulled up to the drive-thru of a fast-food restaurant and
ordered coffee. She asked the clerk to put some ice cubes into the cup
so that she could drink the cool coffee quickly. At the window, there
was a delay.

Finally, a teen-aged girl came to the window looking frustrated. “I’m
having a problem,” she announced. “The ice cubes keep melting.”

Iced Coffee Clip Art

Iced Coffee

An Angry Boss with a Cigar In His Mouth Yelling - Royalty Free Clipart Picture

Shouting teacher

5. Carly: Jannete? Your studying? I thought you hate studying…Jannete: Yes…

Carly: Your studying for what class?

Jannete: You know, where there is a teacher shouting…

 

 

4. Two boys were out hunting in the river…

Boy #1 (calling the hospital): Help! Help! My friend is ‘gonna die! What am I supposed to do?

Operator: First, let’s make sure that your friend is dead…

(Then, a shot of a gun was heard)

Boy #1: Now what?!

 

stock photo : Many dollars falling on woman's hand with money

Change for a dollar

3. Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?

Soldier: Sure, buddy. (starts looking for change…)

Officer: That’s no way to address an officer! Now let’s try it again. Do you have change for a dollar?

Soldier: No, SIR!

 

 

 

 

stock photo : Girl setting kitchen table2. A fifteen-year-old girl came bounding into the house and found her mom in
bed. She asked if she were sick or something. She was truly concerned.

Mom replied that, as a matter of fact, she didn’t feel too well.

The daughter replied, “Well, don’t worry a bit about dinner. I’ll be happy to
carry you down to the kitchen so you can cook.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

stock photo : Beautiful Summer Girl Smiling Outdoors With A Bouquet Of Light Pink Roses In A Thoughtful Kind And Caring Conceptual Of Giving And Receiving A Gift Of Love

1. A forgetful husband thought he had conquered his problem of trying to
remember his wife’s birthday and their wedding anniversary. He opened an
account with a florist, and provided that florist with the dates and
instructions to send flowers to his wife on these dates, along with an
appropriate note signed, “Your loving husband.”

His wife was thrilled by this new display of attention and all went well
until one day when he came home he saw a bouquet, kissed his wife and
said offhandedly, “Nice flowers, honey. Where’d you get them?”

 

 

 

 

–I hope these jokes can help you to cheer up a little bit! 🙂

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